A Rock and A Hard Place

Pick one other concept in the book that you feel needs further discussion?

A concept that I feel that needs further discussion is equivocal communication.
Equivocal communication is a response that is given when you have to choose between two unpleasant alternatives.

For instance, if a friend suggests that she brings her special dish to your Christmas Party and you know it's not as good as she thinks, what do you tell her? Do you tell her how you really feel about the dish and requests she brings something else or do you let her bring it and come to realize by the end of the party that it's the only dish left. . . untouched?

There are many times that we have and will continue to face these scenarios. My daughter just turned 16 and one of her teachers got her a gift. The thought and gesture was wonderful. The gift was a jacket with a tank top. However, it was completely the opposite of how my daughter's style was.

I think further discussion needs to, not only give deeper insight in how to respond in such cases, but it would also be helpful to know how we should deal with responses that don't always feel good to us.

Concept (s) of Interest

What concept(s) in this class have you found most interesting? What was it about the concept(s) that you found interesting?

I found that the concepts of complementary and symmetrical patterns to be very interesting. These concepts were very beneficial because it allowed me to evaluate my relationships.

A complementary pattern exist when the power in the relationship is not balanced; one person has the upper hand. The symmetrical pattern both parties are fighting for the controlling position, even when at times it may not seem like it.

I've learned that I have a lot of relationships and the pattern of the relationship with each person is not the same. Upon studying these concepts, they allowed me to see the things I liked in my relationships and they also exposed the areas that I would like to do away with.

Research Method

Which research method in table 13.3 seem the most interesting? Assume you want to study some aspect of deception. Frame a research question. Which Method would you choose to answer the question?

The research method that I found most interesting was Ethnography. I found this method to be exciting because it allows you to observe the subjects in their natural setting.

On the other hand, this research can be really risky. For instance, the text explained that some researchers may go undercover in order to understand why or how people may join a cult or how cult members recruit. I feel this research style is risky because the researcher has to play a very convincing role, while undercover. Who's to say that they will not be convinced themselves.

If I were to conduct a study about deception, my research question would be:

At what age do children start to display cues of deception? I ask this question because deception does require a higher cognitive load, thus causing a delay (sometimes) when responding to a question. However, children may experience high levels of cognitive load when asked a question because they are simply still learning and therefore are trying to decipher the correct answer; which may appear like they are lying.

I would use Survey Research in order to conduct this study.

No to Cyberspace

I have never had a relationship that was exclusively formed through cyberspace. Furthermore, cyberspace relationships don't even interest me.

I don't care to have this type of friendship because I don't trust the other person. In cyberspace you can be anyone you want to be. Everyone is not going to be truthful and genuine.

I never cared for cyberspace relationships. The closest that I came to this type of relationship was during the many online classes that I have taken. AND I don't plan to venture any further.

Building Workplace Relationships

The discussion of workplace relationships was an interesting topic for me.

For certain, when entering the workforce we don't always have the luxury of choosing our co-workers. In some cases this is very good because some people are prone to choose relationships that are not good for them.

However, upon entering a workplace of unfamiliar faces and attitudes, the transition can cause a little nervousness. A little nervousness is to be expected because you are not only learning a new position but you are also learning the norms of the workplace; which can be a complexed situation.

Learning the norms of the workplace isn't the hard part. The challenging part is being able to communicate effectively. Effective communication would require an individual to be able to respond to verbal and nonverbal cues. In the workplace, a major process when meeting new people/co-workers is learning their behavior and communication styles.

Upon observing and learning the communication styles of your co-workers, you must remember that you are in a professional setting. The workplace does require you to act, perform, and interact with each other in a certain way. This professional setting will alter the "real" behavior of some of your co-workers.

If behaviors are altered in the workplace, due to the norms, it is all the more challenging to build a personal relationship; if one chooses to.

Personal relationships can be great in the workplace. Unfortunately, some can manifest into a nightmare. Therefore, before building workplace relationships, it is crucial that a solid communication foundation is built and understood between all parties involved.

technology. . . Technology. . .TECHNOLOGY!

Review the etiquette rules suggested in the text and respond to each one.

I feel that cellular phones are convenient, but if you are not careful they can become a nuisance. I'm bothered by cell phones when they go off during meetings and lectures. Although we may forget to turn them off sometimes, it still is distracting. Furthermore, cell phones are a problem when the person in front of you is driving and texting, still!

Answering machines were okay and sometimes they still are. I hate to have to listen to long recordings. If they don't get to the point quick enough, I may just hang up.
Faxes are great ways to communicate, especially when a document has to be signed and submitted quickly. However, I hate the junk mail that comes through the fax machine from solicitors! It wastes paper, ink, and my time.

Communication timing is crucial to any business practice. Timing can make or break a deal. This is especially true when telemarketers call me.

Screen names and ring tones says a lot about a person. Even if we feel that we shouldn't be judged by our screen names or ring tones, we are. So if you want to be known as professional then we must start being professional in all that we do.

Call waiting is a very important feature. Sometimes when I'm on the phone, with family, I'm waiting on another call. If I didn't have call waiting, my line would always be busy; which may frustrate the party calling. I know I can get a little tired of calling a number that's always busy.
However, it is important to know when it's okay to answer another call, while talking to someone on the other line. For instance, if I'm talking to someone about a sensitive matter, I'm not going to put them on hold to take another call. This will make me appear insensitive and disrespectful.

Organizations and the Environment

Organizations are tied to the environment because they depend on the resources and energy that the environment has. Organizations cannot survive without a healthy environment.

I live in Santa Cruz and I am a former student of Cabrillo College. Cabrillo is currently undergoing expansion, which looks to be completed soon. However, there is a great demand for this expansion because many people are wanting to go to college at the state level, because university costs are too expensive for them.

Although Cabrillo cost less than attending an university, the education you can receive is very rewarding. Cabrillo has some of the best instructors. Cabrillo College also has an obligation to the society to help produce independent hard working individuals.

In Santa Cruz, there was a problem of a lot of young men and women not wanting to attend a regular college setting. These individuals could only afford to go to college for a shorter amount of time to learn a trade. Cabrillo College heard of this out cry and started a program to help these individuals. However, the program is not only for the young but for the older population, as well.

On the other hand, before all of these expansions took place, at Cabrillo, the college was ethically obligated to address any issues that would pose a threat to the city of Santa Cruz. Some issues that could have posed a threat would be issues of public transportation, traffic build-up, and increased housing needs in the city.

RED FLAGS!

One of the most interesting ideas that I found, in this chapter, was the case about Joan and Alex! (Trenholm 168-169) This case was basically about how people are free to be whomever they want to be, when communicating in cyberspace.

Joan had many women friends, she communicated with in cyberspace. These conversations within her circle of friends grew intimate. Joan eventually started to hook these women up with her friend Alex. Alex and these women would have dates off line.

During the course of Joans cyber conversations with her cyber friends, she would ask these women about Alex's sexual behavior.

These women eventually find out that Joan is Alex! You have to read the story for yourself.

I'm curious as to how these women found out that Alex was perpetrating.

On the other hand, these women should have paid attention to the conversation that Joan/Alex was engaging them in. For instance, if Alex's friend (which happens to be a woman) kept asking me about his sexual behavior. . . I would have thought RED FLAG! SOMETHINGS UP!

Although technology allows us to communicate in cyberspace, we should be more attentive about the conversations that are unfolding; this is especially true for those who intend on meeting their "cyber peeps" in person.

Filtering: What's Too Much?

The characteristics or behaviors that lead me to judge others as unattractive depends on the way they carry themselves verbally and nonverbally.

One thing that I find verbally unattractive is cussing. Especially, when it is done in excess. I, also, find it verbally unattractive to speak disrespectfully to others, especially your parents. I find it verbally unattractive to think it's fine to speak your mind and forget that people do have feelings, even if we may think whatever we have to say is the truth.

Something that I find nonverbally unattractive to me is when someone walks around with their nose in the air; translated: they are "too cocky for their own good." I find it nonverbally unattractive for a guy to smile at you and he hasn't brushed his teeth. . . and you can tell!

I can attest to the lack of a teeth brushing incident. One day this guy walks over to me, as his friends waited, and started talking to me. I believe he was asking me for my number or something. I couldn't really focus on the conversation because there was a major distraction in his mouth. He hadn't brushed his teeth and I could overwhelmingly tell. This was his first and last impression for me. Needless to say, there was no reconsidering about our future relationship.

To be honest, as I replay the situation, I could have missed out on a nice guy. I let a physical appearance effect my judgment.

As I think about Duck's filtering theory, it does make sense to me. However, if we are not careful we can be missing out on a lot of wonderful relationships or we can find ourselves in a "beautiful" nightmare!

To me, beauty is only skin deep. Beauty comes from within and projects itself outward. There are many people walking around who are physically attractive, but are ugly on the inside; and eventually that ugliness begins to rear its ugly head.

Nothing's Too Hard. . .

The most difficult pattern that I think would be hard to change, in a relationship, is the pattern of submissive symmetry. Submissive symmetry occurs when neither person, in the relationship, wants to make a decision.

This behavior is difficult to change because when we allow ourselves to chronically leave decision making to someone else, we are down playing our responsibility as an individual. The constant avoidance of the decision making process will soon become a psychological barrier.

It becomes a psychological barrier because we have unwittingly trained our brains to think we are not capable of making a decision. This will soon lead to self-doubt. And once we begin to doubt ourselves we will begin to travel down the dreadful road of low-self esteem.

However, low-self esteem will not only affect those in the relationship. It will damage all those who directly or indirectly deal with anyone who suffers from its "blow."

On another note, I believe that competitive symmetry can be the most damaging to a relationship. Competitive symmetry is when the individuals in a relationship are constantly seeking to "out do" the other. This atmosphere may work well on the field, but it can wrec havoc a home.

Competitive behavior in the home can lead to bickering, derogative comments, arguments, and tension, to say the least. It's absolutely awful! I believe this behavior shows lack of self-confidence from both parties in the relationship.

The Bible says, "In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is wise. The lips of the righteous feed many, but fools die for lack of wisdom." (Proverb 10:19,21)

Furthermore, the Bible also says, "For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith." (Romans 12:3)

Although our relationships or problems in life seem too big for us, they are never too big for our God to solve. "Cast your burden on the LORD, and He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved." (Psalm 55:22)

Eternal Blessings

The term effort-optimism, a word that generally characterize Americans, was an important perception for me. Effort-optimism is the belief that hard work will pay off. However, what was even more interesting was how other countries perceived Americans work ethic.

"To people in many countries, Americans are overly ambitious. What we think of as a healthy work ethic, they see as needless effort or even arrogance" (Trenholm 352).

I personally feel that many Americans are too busy focusing on wealth, fame, power and a host of other shallow desires. When one desire is met, the bar is raised, again and again. We are greedy people and we have too much pride, which will lead to our destruction.

We are focused on the wrong things. Here's a poem I wrote:

OOPS! It Was Never Yo Show

Freely by faith in Christ we're offered the gift of eternal life

What this world has to offer can never measure up to this

This world as we know it

Is surely amiss

Improper. Out of Order.

Yes, that's exactly what I mean

We tend to elevate on the material things

When that house as you know it

May surely foreclose

And that car your driven

Remember . . . there's repo's

Oh, Yeah

Our looks.

They shall surely fade

So stop living so shallow

And get down underneath

Search for the Spiritual, so Eternal Blessings can flow

Now take a look around because

OOPS!

It Was NEVER Yo Show

To Believe or Not to Believe

Like the rationality premise, I do believe that most people are capable of discovering the truth through logical analysis. The social institutions that practice this belief is our voting system and the American courts because we have the right to have a trial by jury.

I also agree with the mutability premise. This premise assumes that human behavior is shaped by environmental factors and that the way to improve humans is to improve their physical and psychological circumstances. This premise brings forth the thought of "low socially economic status" (SES) families.

Low socially economic status families have to endure the hardship, of not only, (probably) living from pay check to pay check, but they also face drugs, crime, health issues, and educational barriers, to say the least. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying just because these families are facing barriers that they can not, have not, or will not persevere. What I am saying is that higher economic status families have an "environmental advantage." And I'll leave it at that.

Low SES families face greater risk factors than higher SES families. Risk factors are personal or environmental factors that make a negative outcome more likely. The mutability premise specifically targets communities whose inhabitants are environmental in danger.

In order to balance (lessen) the damage that the risk factors impose on a low SES community, protective factors have been put into place. A protective factor makes negative outcomes less likely. For instance, these low SES communities will have free or income sensitive clinics within them. The community's children are also bussed across the city to better schools. Lastly, but not least, programs like Big Brother Big Sister help thousands of children and families nationwide.

On another note, the perfectibility premise is based on the old Puritan idea that humans are born in sin, but they are capable of achieving goodness through effort and control. I agree that we are born in sin. However, this belief appears to be saying that humans are capable of achieving goodness based on their own power and might. If this is the case, I strongly disapprove.

The Word of God says, "Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning. Of His own will He brought us forth by the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of His creatures." (James 1:16-18)

Exploring the Unknown

Yes, I do agree with Ruth Benedict when she says that we are "creatures of our culture" and that our habits, beliefs, and impossibilities are shaped by our culture.

There is some evidence that a fetus will learn inside and outside a mother's womb. Hearing is a major factor in the fetus' learning in the womb. Researchers have also concluded that "in the weeks before birth, fetuses are sensitive to small differences in musical notes and prefer the sounds of their native language, even though it will be many months before they begin to speak it (The Development of Children, 5th ed. p82).

To me culture is formed naturally because we are "hard wired" to categorize things. For instance our language, speech patterns and the color of our skin, to say the least, are things we use to categorize. Studies have shown that we are able to categorize things, as early as three-months-old (The Development of Children, 5th ed. p188).

Upon categorizing these various things about ourselves, we begin to set ourselves a part from everyone else. We start to ask our group (those that we place in a category "like us") who are we? What is our purpose here and how are we to live our lives? These questions require the group to work together to form answers to these questions (Trenholm 343). This is the foundation of culture.

According to me, culture is basically a routine that a certain group of people follow (for their reasons) and the routine is understood by the people of that particular culture. The everyday practice of a routine becomes automatic, thus allowing for culture to be passed on for generations.

Although habits, beliefs, and impossibilities are shaped by our culture, we can break through the limits that are placed on us. In order to break through these limits, we must be willing to put effort into learning about people, places, and things outside of our categorical limits. We must be willing to step outside of our comfort zone and familiarize ourselves with the unfamiliar.

Everything Is Not Always What It Seems

I found the topic of "object language" to be interesting. Object language is defined as "all intentional and nonintentional displays of material things, such as implements, machines, art objects, architectural structures, [as well as] the human body, and whatever clothes covers it." (Trenholm 133)

Our communication is affected by our environment. The book discusses that size, temperature, lighting, and noise (to name a few) are important communication factors.

For instance, if an instructor were to walk into the room wearing all "bright" yellow, he/she would be a distraction to the class. The outfit is considered to be too "loud." It's simply noisy.

On another note, when I read about object language, I thought about people themselves. When the statement said, ". . . our possessions act as public symbols of our values, status, and financial success, informing others of our identity and reinforcing our own sense of self." I didn't agree with this statement entirely.

Many people walk around with the cross on their necklace or an "I love Jesus" sticker on their car bumper. However, their lifestyles beg the differ. This is when the contradiction on verbal and nonverbal behavior comes into play.

I'm not even going to get started on people who fixate on dressing up the outside and are still "lacking a lot of things" on the inside, not to mention financial stability.

I Hope Nobody Saw That!

There are many nonverbal behaviors that can be misinterpreted. The most embarrassing misinterpretation of nonverbal communication, is to think that someone is waving and saying "hi," to you, but before ya know it, they're rushing pass you, with open arms, excited to see someone else. Then all you can do is feel a little stupid. . . in hopes that nobody else saw what just happened!

The way that excessive miscommunication of nonverbal behaviors can be avoided is to pay better attention to the person who is sending the message.

In my case, I should have been cautious in interpreting the nonverbal message. I could have taken my time to see if I really recognized the person. I should have also looked at their body position and eyes better. By taking the time to do this I could have noticed if their body position was turned towards me and I could have noticed if their eyes were looking pass me.

My failure to give proper attention to nonverbal cues casued me some embarrassment. I reacted quickly because I would hate for it to be someone I did know and I failed to wave.

MisUnderstood

Although nonverbal messages are more universal than verbal messages, nonverbals do not always carry the same meanings in other cultures. An example of nonverbal behavior that is very contradictory to the Western culture is the "head nod," displayed by the Japanese culture.

The Japanese culture is dedicated in creating harmony. This is why when they are being given directions or something they will say, "yes" while shaking their heads. However, they are simply letting you know, "I hear you". This head nod doesn't always mean that you are understood nor do they agree with what you are saying. This nonverbal behavior is practiced for the sake of harmony and this behavior is very confusing to the Western culture.

Many facial expressions are universal. However, a study was done to see how Japanese men and Western men responded to disgusting pictures. The Western culture made disgusting faces when showed these pictures. Contrastingly, the Japanese culture smiled while looking at these pictures.

Dangerous Ground

I believe it is not possible to perceive others without catagorizing them in some way.

A study done on three-month-old babies wanted to explore when do infants start to catagorize. The infants were shown four sets of pictures. The pictures were shown to them in sets of two.
The first three pictures shown were of different cats. The cats were of various sizes and colors. The last set of pictures shown were a picture of a new cat and a new dog.

Upon seeing these pictures the infants stared for a long period of time at the dog, than they did at the cat. This preferential looking indicated that the infants had made a category for cats and not dogs.

This study was conducted by Peter Eimas and Paul Quinn. This study is in the book The Development of Children, 5th ed. by Cole, Cole, and Lightfoot.

This study shows that we are hard wired to catagorize. It's part of our survival skills. Just think what would happen if we thought lions were horses?

To me catagorizing people, places, and things is normal and we can't get away from it. However, the problem we face is when we start to judge. Our judgments can get us into trouble - depending on the situation.

For instance, cell phones come in many shapes and sizes. Therefore, we catagorize them in a variety of ways. Then we determine which one is suitable for us. We made a critical decision. This is a good thing.

Unfortunately, when we start to judge people we are treading dangerous grounds. It's perfectly natural to catagorize. Our brains can't help it.

The problem we encounter is when we start to judge a person based on what we see. Judgment leads into stereotyping and stereotyping leads to a person loosing their individuality.
We must be mindful of our behaviors when it comes to categorizing people and we must be willing to avoid stereotyping at all costs. We should always be thinking, "I need to treat people the way I want to be treated."

The Big Cover Up!

What I found to be of great interests in this weeks reading was the word "euphemisms."
Euphemisms are inoffensive words that are used instead of highly charged terms.

Basically, euphemisms are used to trick the mind into thinking, "Oh, it's not that bad."

Some of the uses of euphemisms are as follows: (77)

(1) "clean bombs" doesn't sound so bad. This term is able to make one think that it's a bomb, but it doesn't cause that much damage - not like other bombs. Only if this were the case. Clean bombs are one thousand times more powerful than the one that destroyed Hiroshima!

(2) "collateral damage" sounds like what has been damaged isn't that significant. Collateral damage is the same as civilian deaths. The damage greatly exceeds significant.

(3) "friendly casualties" is another term that's misleading. Friendly casualties are American troops who have been killed by American bombs.

This language and the way it is used, especially by our political system, is misleading and deceives the public.

Sugar & Spice and Everything Nice

It is crystal clear to me that men and women use different languages. Society has taught us, as babes, our "role" in the world. Baby girls are spoken to in soft, cute, delicately worded language.
Baby boys are spoken to, at least by men, in a huskier voice. The language used towards boys is more macho.

Young boys are taught that boys don't cry. Many would think this was the old way of raising boys but it is still happening. I was relaxing on the beach and a 11 or 12-year-old-boy was playing catch (with a football) with his dad. The young boy's uncles were present, as well. They had the most interesting conversations. . . well if that's what you call them. Some of the comment were: "You catch like a girl." "Get up! Your not hurt." "You bet not cry."

This is the language our young boys grow up hearing and this is the basis of the their adult life. They are encouraged to be tuff and independent, at the least. Now I can see why men have so much trouble asking for help (especially directions) because they should already know or be able to figure it out.

Our young girls are taught to use certain language. I remember hearing older ladies saying, "young ladies don't talk like that." Young girls are taught to be delicate, emotional, caring and a host of other draining tasks. Our language is rewarding in some ways but it fails to give us the respect we deserve in other areas.

On The Prowel:You've Gotta Read This!

Yes, I have been influenced by many speakers. As I look around my apartment, I'm quickly reminded of "influential speakers."

I've been to seminars where the speakers were very well put together. They had ethos because they had good character (atleast that's what I thought). Why did I think that? They're from "who knows where." What could I possibly know about them? Silly of me. Knowledge is key.

They possessed the characteristic of pathos because they used their life circumstances, as examples. Furthermore they had the characteristic of logos because they also had a lot of knowledge about their line of work and they were very good at creating scenarios and "drawing" reasonable conclusions.

So, based on these characteristics, as I look around my apartment I am constantly remind of my "influential speakers." However, needless to say, these speakers were not only the best I've heard but they turned out to be the worse of the worst.

The talk these speakers gave and the "so called" workshops didn't pan out like they so strategically said they would. Their ethos, pathos and logos are out the window. These people get thumbs down for me because they don't give you all the information you need because if you had it your decision would by significantly different.

This is why NGC (National Grants Conference) would never get any recommendations from me. Auction Teacher would never ever ever ever get any recommendations from me. Let's see....A lot of the postings that say work at home doing surveys, etc (especially the one's posted on SJSU Campus) are a no no....GET A JOB - your better off! I wish I had more time but until next time, have a good night.